Hole in the Desert™

Premium Disposal Solutions

↓ DISCRETION GUARANTEED ↓

When You've Got a Problem in the Trunk

Some problems can't be talked through. Some weights can't be lifted alone. We understand. We've been there. Well, not there there. But we get it.

🕳️

Pre-Dug Excellence

6 feet deep, 3 feet wide. Professionally excavated under cover of darkness. GPS coordinates provided via encrypted burner.

🧤

Forensic-Grade Shovel

Military-spec entrenching tool. Factory-sealed. Zero fingerprints. Zero DNA. Zero trace. Yours to keep (or bury).

🏜️

Strategic Location

Federal land. No cameras. No cell towers. No witnesses. Just miles of nothing in every direction.

🤐

Zero Questions Policy

We don't know you. You don't know us. This transaction never happened. What trunk?

One Problem. One Price.

No hidden fees. No recurring charges. No loose ends.

$20,030
One-Time Investment

From Our Satisfied... Clients

"The GPS was accurate to within 3 feet. Very professional. The shovel is now at the bottom of Lake Mead, which is basically just a big puddle now anyway."

— V.C., Henderson NV

"My 'camping equipment' fit perfectly. The quick-lime was a thoughtful touch. Would recommend to anyone with... unwanted luggage."

— Anonymous, Pahrump

"I can finally sleep at night. Also, I moved to a country with no extradition treaty, but that's unrelated."

— Name Redacted

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this legal?
Digging holes is perfectly legal. What you do with your hole is your business. We sell real estate, not alibis.
How do I pay?
Cryptocurrency, cash-by-mail, or MoneyGram to a Panamanian shell company. We do not accept checks, credit cards, or anything traceable. For obvious reasons.
What if someone finds the hole?
The desert is 25,000 square miles. The odds of someone stumbling upon your specific coordinates are approximately the same as getting away with murder. Which is surprisingly high, statistically.
Do you offer bulk discounts?
Sir, this is a family business.
Why $20,030?
Peace of mind is priceless. But if we had to put a number on it, $20,030 covers our operational costs, hazard pay, and a generous "we never met" surcharge. Still cheaper than a trial lawyer.
What's your refund policy?
Once you have the coordinates, the hole is yours. No refunds. No exchanges. No takebacks. You understand.